Theological schools of thought, such as Thomism, Scotism, Lutheranism, and Calvinism, have long been a problematic feature of the academy. They have given rise to much polemic and mutual recrimination. This article puts forward a theological critique of these schools by way of a reading of premodern exegesis of 1 Cor 1:12–13: "Each of you is saying, 'I am of Paul,' or 'I am of Apollos,' or 'I am of Cephas,' or 'I am of Christ.' Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized into the name of Paul?" This reading proceeds in three stages: first, an examination of Christ's proper authority as the one teacher and the relationship of theologians to that authority; second, the polemic against schools of thought, whether philosophical, heretical, monastic, scholastic, or Protestant, as contravening Christ's authority; third, the positive implications of such a doctrine for how we are to "use," in the Augustinian sense, all teachers Christ has given the church, in light of their proper relationship to his teaching. Finally, a few recommendations for how students and teachers can respond to this exegesis in the contemporary setting are indicated.